Funeral & Cemetery

Jan 17 2011

Tips on Knowing Your Rights When Planning a Funeral and What to Do When Someone Dies

When people are faced with the death of a loved one, oftentimes due diligence goes by the wayside. Whether they are overwhelmed with the loss or just consumed by all the decisions and preparations, all too often fact gathering and gaining an understanding of your rights gets lost in the process. But this is not the time to take your rights for granted. For this is also the time when consumers are most vulnerable, and there is no shortage of unscrupulous individuals who are more than willing to capitalize on that fact. To combat this, Congress passed The Funeral Rule in 1982, which is enforced by the Federal Trade Commission, the nation’s consumer protection agency. The Funeral Rule outlines the rights of the consumers and creates the framework by which funeral homes are required to operate. At this time, The Funeral Rule does not apply to cemeteries, crematories, and other death-related vendors.

In brief, the Funeral Rule gives you, the consumer, the following rights:

Perhaps most importantly, you as a consumer have the right to buy goods and services separately.
With some exceptions, you have the right to choose only the funeral goods and services that you want.
The funeral provider must provide to you an itemized general price list that conveys in writing your right to choose what you want. This must be provided before you decide on the services you want.
The funeral provider must give you a casket price list before you select a casket. The same applies to outer burial containers (vaults).
They must give you an itemized total for everything you have selected before the services are provided.
You must not be required to purchase anything if it is not required by state law. Any goods or services required by state law must be reflected in the funeral provider’s price list, as well as a reference to the specific law. Typically, you have the right to refuse embalming.
The funeral provider cannot refuse to handle a casket or urn that you had purchased from a different vendor, nor can they charge a fee for doing such.
A funeral provider who offers cremations must make alternative containers available.
Funeral homes may only charge for only one non-declinable “basic fee.”
The funeral home may not lie about or misrepresent funeral or cemetery laws. If you are told something is required by law, ask for a copy of the law.

When loved ones pass away, you’ll want to make sure that they have the funeral they deserve. Here are the main aspects you need to consider when planning a funeral.

1. Viewing

When someone dies, family members and friend may wish to view the body of their loved one. Viewing can assist with the resolution of grief. It can help people accept that death has occurred. Each family member’s viewpoint on visitation or viewing may be different, and this is a very personal decision. The best option in most cases is to leave the option of visitation open to an individual’s own emotional needs. Before or shortly after death some people may be adamant that they do not wish to view the deceased, then change their mind a short time later. By presenting the option of visitation, all family members’ individual emotional needs can be met.

2. Flowers, notices and memorials

In many communities it is traditional that friends and family pay their respects by sending flowers or making a donation to charity. Your local funeral director can organise flowers for you. They can also collect, record and distribute donations to charity on your behalf.

The obituary notice in a local, national or other publication announces the death and funeral details and can also become a tribute to the person who has died, by perhaps containing a verse. Some people like to place acknowledgement notices in the newspaper after the funeral, thanking people who have supported them. Some people also like to compile a book of compliments, reflections and memories about the person who has died, written by family and friends attending the service or afterwards.

You don’t have to decide whether to put a memorial on the grave or on the site of the burial of ashes until after the funeral. The regulations about what kind of memorial can be put up, and when, vary considerably from place to place. Your funeral director can advise you on this and make any arrangements on your behalf.

3. Transport

You’ll need to decide on the size and makeup of the cortege (the hearse and the cars following it). Other questions to consider include:

Will it be a standard, motorbike or horse-drawn hearse?
How many cars will be needed?
Where will the cortege leave from?
Will it take a special route?
Will you require wheelchairs for elderly or disabled mourners?
Where will you return to afterwards?

4. Bearing the coffin

Some families decide that they would like to bear the coffin themselves at the ceremony, instead of the funeral director’s staff. Bearers may be friends, family members or colleagues of the person who has died.

5. Music

Many people now ask for specific pieces of music to be played at the service. Your Funeral Director will be able to advise you on this and make the appropriate arrangements for you.

6. Eulogies

A eulogy is when someone pays tribute to a person’s life by saying a few words that will help remember that person at the service. You can prepare a speech yourself for this, or you may prefer to read a favourite poem or passage.

7. Catering

You may wish to offer guests refreshments after the funeral. You will need to decide who will provide the catering and where it will be provided. You may prefer to offer refreshments at your home or at a location close to where the service has been held.

8. Burial or cremation?

If there is no grave in existence and a new grave is required, this can be arranged directly with the cemetery or through the funeral director. New graves are expensive and the costs can increase significantly in some areas if the deceased lived outside the cemetery authority’s boundary. The family organising the purchase of a new grave should know what costs are before finalising the funeral arrangements. Burials in churchyards are subject to rules and regulations of the church authority concerned. These rules are often very strict in relation to the type of headstone or memorial that can be placed on the grave following the funeral. The restrictions can also extend to what is written on the headstone. Those responsible for the funeral arrangements should be aware of what memorial restrictions are enforced before the interment takes place to avoid any unnecessary distress later on.

If you opt for cremation, this will take place shortly after the funeral committal service is over in the crematorium chapel. Each coffin is cremated individually and after each cremation the ashes are removed and kept separately so that each family receives the remains of their relative. If required these are usually available for collection the next working day and can be placed in the Garden of Remembrance at the crematorium. The ashes can also be kept by the relatives, interred in a new or existing family grave, or scattered in a place deemed as appropriate by the family or as requested by the deceased prior to death.

This is an option that will have been specified in someone’s Will or prepaid funeral plan.

So these are the usual options to consider. Other possibilities can be discussed with your funeral director or funeral plan provider.

If you are dissatisfied with the treatment or service you have received by a funeral home, you are encouraged to contact the Funeral Consumers Alliance, a nonprofit organization that can offer advice on how to resolve problems you may be experiencing with funeral providers. The FTC makes available a number of resources for the consumer to both guide them and make them aware of their rights for funerals and funeral planning. Go to this link to see the FTC’s “Paying Final Respects: Your Rights When Buying Funeral Goods & Services.”

Todd Witengier is the V.P. of Marketing for Urns of America, an online provider of quality cremation urns. Browse and shop online by visiting our website athttp://www.urnsofamerica.com

Funeral Planning – Setting Up the Burial Or Cremation Process

Many people do not want to think about their death or the death of one’s loved ones. It can seem overwhelming to

think about finding documents, deciding on a burial or cremation, picking out a cemetery and so many of the factors. However, since a plot can be very expensive, it is important to address this part of the life cycle. To end up paying more than you should because you are manipulated by a sales person is not fair to you. By being prepared you can ask him about options that may not be suggested. If someone goes to arrange a service right after the death, their thinking may be clouded by grief and the decisions may be made impulsively. It is important to go with someone else to discuss the funeral arrangements in order to have more objectivity.

Other reasons why it’s important to plan this out ahead of time is because you’d want to honor the wishes of a loved one or communicate your own needs to others. For instance, would a religous theme be appropriate? Is a cremation preferred? Who will deliver the service? Will a number of people be giving small speeches about the person to share their memories and experiences? These are all questions to be faced.

Many people don’t even have a will. Setting up the will is important for a number of reasons. Though most people think the issue is to not have relatives arguing or fighting over the money and material goods, there are also reasons related to self-growth. For instance, many philosophers and psychologists say that being aware that we will die will help us stop worrying over small affairs and give us perspective. Remembering our impending death is not only facing the inevitable, but it’s also a way to shape our daily decisions and cut out unnecessary drama and reactions to trivial situations. Thinking about death doesn’t have to be morose, but is really is a way to be a creator of the rest of our life and to make meaningful choices. Ironically, preparing for death makes us much more alive and peaceful.

Funeral Tributes: Honoring Your Loved ones.

Funeral tributes are the way that you honour someone’s memory. Funeral planning and death are not something we like to think about. Though flowers are often associated with this, there are many other ways that can be a means to show your respect, appreciation and relationship with the deceased. If you are buying flowers for the funeral, keep in mind the taste of the person who passed. Some examples of funeral flowers are: casket covers, inside piece, wreath, floral basket and table arrangements. Bereavement tributes should reflect the person you are honouring. Here are some other ways to express your relationship with the person:

Eulogies: Writing and reading an eulogy speech requires a lot of care and can be emotionally difficult. Eulogies should reflect on the good qualities of the person and focus on finding the common bond that will join all relatives, friends, and coworkers together plus help people to go deeper into the rememberances of the person who passed. Giving specific memories also enriches the eulogy and showing one’s personal relationship can be a wonderful sharing and way to begin the healing process. It may be difficult to read it aloud and not break down.

Donations: Often the family will express a preference for a donation to a charity over flowers. It may be directed to the disease that the person was fighting such as a cancer association, american heart association or diabetes group.

Poems: Poems are a wonderful way to ofter your tributes and can be very personal. Show your warmth and affection. It often is hard to read a poem for someone, especially in front of others without feeling pangs of grief.

Memorial Table: Keep a table in the service table and place the different photographs, favorite items and special associations on the table. You can also ask people to bring different photographs or any other memorabilia that they feel reminds them of the person. Creating a website could also be a good idea. Invite friends, people, neighbors, and coworkers, family members to post their comments and memories on the websites. Encourage them to post various pictures on the website for all to see.

Themes: Some people will have a theme for the funeral they arrange. For example if you know that the deceased would not want any sadness at the funeral, it can be made more festive and reflect a place that the deceased loved and would want to be emphasized during their service instead of a traditional program.

Remember the person’s own spirituality and what is important to them. That should be an important part of the service as well as the atmosphere where people congregate.

Now that you have taken the time to read this post, take the time and read my many other posts, am sure you will find a good deal and what you need.

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